Husbands - Calm down. I know you're getting your boxer briefs in a twist right now but you just need to listen for a second! This is for you so... Trust me! I know men aren't supposed to be trained or trainable for that matter. I suppose train isn't the correct word. Persuaded maybe. Perverted, yes! Lol.
When I got married, one of my thoughtful guests, and I'm sure if I went back through my notes (yes I'm that anal about some things) I could find out who, gave me a retro edition of the original Betty Crocker Cookbook in all it's red and white checkered tableclothed glory. I thought, at first, it was pretty cool. I learned to brûlée and cream and steam. I learned to chop and boil and bake. I learned the difference between yams and sweet potatoes (don't ask me now, I can't recall!) and how to pick fresh broccoli and watermelons.
Then I happened upon a page. Seriously?! Does that say what I think it does? A section on "How to welcome your husband to his home after a long, tiring day at work"! Ya, you read that correctly. The first page boast a very well put together 1950's era "housewife", bofaunt hair, mid-calf length day dress, low heels, apron, big "happy to see her husband after his long day at the office" smile. Then I started reading the "suggestions" to keeping your husband happy. #3: clean his children and dress them nicely. They are his pride and joy and should look as such when he returns from the office. Or #6: Recomb your hair and touch up your modest makeup. He doesn't want you to look like a floozie but he does not want to come home to someone unkept either. Freshen up.
Was this for real? It couldn't be? What the hell happened to feminism and womens rights, bra burning and such... Oh wait, that was a few decades later I guess. So, to my 21 year old ego, this was ridiculousness! Seriously, "freshen up"? Bite me!
So, now I am 31. A decade has passed since receiving this special retro cookbook. So has a husband, well, I don't mean passed-passed, although... Nah, I probably shouldn't say that, given the open forum. Lol. I have learned many,
MANY things in the last ten years. Several pertain to making and keeping a man happy. Turns out, Ms. Crocker wasn't so far off! So, what follows is my "How to make and keep your man happy after a long, tiring day at work (well, and forever after that)!
There are some requirements to make a man deserving of this list by the way. He must work hard to provide, to the best of his abilities, he must love you, for you and no matter what, and he must be a good dad, be it to your children or whatever four legged things you call your kids!
Ok, on to the list!
1. Before your man gets home, do a quick cleanup. Ours consists of cleaning up the kitchen, putting the laundry away and yelling at the boys to "hurry up and get the toys put away, daddy's on his way!"
2. If you've yet to shower because you have three kids and couldn't fit one in edgewise, spray on his favorite perfume and brush your hair. A little mascara goes a long ways to hide the circle under you eyes. He doesn't really care though as long as you smell good!
3. Make the kids, at least, wash thier hands, although clean faces are great too!
4. He likes clothes on the kids. Try to at least get them to wear undies, though shorts or pants are for the best!
5. Unlock the doors so he can just come in. (I fail miserably at this one!)
6. Look up from whatever it is you're doing at that moment. It'll just take a second to say "Hi Honey, I'm glad you're home" and it'll make his sucky day worth it.
7. Have the kids take his boots and socks off. He will enjoy it and really, who of us doesn't remember taking our daddy's bootsoff for him?
8. Hug and kiss him.
9. Offer him something to drink.
10. Smile at him. You're his whole world, shouldn't hr be yours?
Wow, I think there's more to my list than Betty's!!
11. Ask him about his day. Refrain from blurting out how you had bill collectors call or how you saw an ex in the produce isle. Let him just chill.
12. Eat dinner together. Always.
13. Shower together as often as possible. Don't make an excuse like "someone has to watch the kids". Single parents shower all the time. Turn on a show. It's okto be a bad parent, occasionally, in order to be a good wife!
14. Let him touch your arm. Your hair. Your face. I know you've been touched by Graham cracker and dirt encrusted hannies all day long but men show affection through touch so let him.
15. Do IT! Even if you don't always feel like it! Once you get started, you'll get into it. And I don't want to hear another woman say "I have a headache"! It's a proven FACT, endorphins kill headaches and what is the biggest activator of endorphins??? You guessed it!!!
16. One word: BJoys. They literally think it's the greatest thing ever, next to you of course.
17. Cherish him. You're one of the lucky ones.
He may not say he appreciates the little things you do like his laundry or his dinner. But he does. And the fact that he goes to a job he probably despises EVERY SINGLE DAY proves there's no where else he'd rather be than with you.
See, husbands, it wasn't so bad after all! ;)
Friday, July 1, 2011
Hope...
Sometimes, in the middle of the night, when my home is quiet, my boys are asleep soundly in thier room, my husband is sleeping with his arm around my waist, I think about how truly blessed I am. I think of how successfully I've turned my life around and made a family and home for a very special man and three wonderful boys.
Still, as I lay here surrounded by love and happiness, I think of that dark cloud that's never quite far enough out of the picture. It's not the type of storm cloud that farmers watch for to bring that much needed moisture to his crops. It's not the kind of storm cloud that hunters watch and hope for on opening day. It's not the first rain of fall that softens the brittle grass at the end of summer. Rather it is a dark, monsterous cloud with nothing but hail that beats down and lightning that strikes and burns. It is a -nothing good can come of it- cloud.
The thing about this cloud is that it isolates you, causes doubt in yourself and your preparation for the storm. It worries you, causes stress and panic. This cloud causes you to feel as if, even though there are those you love standing at your side, you are weathering it's storm all alone. You are an island of one under an ominous force, when all the rest of humanity is frolicking in the sun.
This, of course, is not the case by any means. I realize that each and every person has thier own scary cloud. Tonight a friend of mine stopped by. She, too, has a storm cloud. She, too, weathers it the very best she can. She recounts stories that I could easily remove her from, insert myself, and no one would know the difference, the storms are so similar. She too has a loving husband who is by her side at every chance of precipitation, but she too feels as though sometimes she's all alone in her worry of the coming storm because in the end it is she, alone, who must fight the hail. It is comforting to know, however, that in our loneliest, most desperate hour beneath the coming storm, even with our loved ones near, there is another human, in another situation, fretting, worrying, hoping.
I suppose that is the point of this entire story. Hope. There is always hope. Even when you think there is no hope. Even when you think there is not another single person that you think would understand, that really knows. There is hope that there is. And that person you're thinking of has hope there's someone like you hoping too. Weather the storm, deal with the hail, let the lightning strike. For there is ALWAYS a rainbow after a storm. There will be for each of us. That's the way it is, we just have to hope for it.
Still, as I lay here surrounded by love and happiness, I think of that dark cloud that's never quite far enough out of the picture. It's not the type of storm cloud that farmers watch for to bring that much needed moisture to his crops. It's not the kind of storm cloud that hunters watch and hope for on opening day. It's not the first rain of fall that softens the brittle grass at the end of summer. Rather it is a dark, monsterous cloud with nothing but hail that beats down and lightning that strikes and burns. It is a -nothing good can come of it- cloud.
The thing about this cloud is that it isolates you, causes doubt in yourself and your preparation for the storm. It worries you, causes stress and panic. This cloud causes you to feel as if, even though there are those you love standing at your side, you are weathering it's storm all alone. You are an island of one under an ominous force, when all the rest of humanity is frolicking in the sun.
This, of course, is not the case by any means. I realize that each and every person has thier own scary cloud. Tonight a friend of mine stopped by. She, too, has a storm cloud. She, too, weathers it the very best she can. She recounts stories that I could easily remove her from, insert myself, and no one would know the difference, the storms are so similar. She too has a loving husband who is by her side at every chance of precipitation, but she too feels as though sometimes she's all alone in her worry of the coming storm because in the end it is she, alone, who must fight the hail. It is comforting to know, however, that in our loneliest, most desperate hour beneath the coming storm, even with our loved ones near, there is another human, in another situation, fretting, worrying, hoping.
I suppose that is the point of this entire story. Hope. There is always hope. Even when you think there is no hope. Even when you think there is not another single person that you think would understand, that really knows. There is hope that there is. And that person you're thinking of has hope there's someone like you hoping too. Weather the storm, deal with the hail, let the lightning strike. For there is ALWAYS a rainbow after a storm. There will be for each of us. That's the way it is, we just have to hope for it.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Strength. Intelligence. Courage.
The above qualities are characteristics I believe every woman possesses even if they don't show or if others don't know or believe they have them or even if they don't think they have them themselves. I don't know that a woman believes that they are strong or courageous or just how much they can learn until they are put in a situation where your back is to the wall and it is go time. When a woman is cornered, pressed, pushed and prodded to her breaking point, I expect her to crouch, clink out her claws and ready for an attack. When the lives of your children hang in the balance, when your life is in danger, when your world is ready to be torn down, you fight. When a man puts you in a place that demeans, degrades, alienates and restricts, you fight. By fighting, I don't mean physically, neccessarily, but you fight with words, you fight with proactive actions, you fight in court, you fight to be who you are, what you are and for what you believe in.
I have had my back to the wall, I have had all that I hold precious swinging vicariously over a burning, bottomless pit. I have thought, I can't do this, I am not strong enough to go through this again, I can't handle the pain, in my body, in my mind, in my heart. I have thought is this really worth it? Can I live without this? Should I change who I am, what I am for someone elses comfort or happiness. The answers lie within us and some of us are strong enough to deal with them and others are not. I can do it, I am strong enough, I can handle the pain because when you come through the flames there is a whole world on the other side in which you are stronger, more courageous and more beautiful than you EVER thought possible.
Every day we change, we learn, we grow. Everyday we learn more about who we are as individuals. We learn our hearts and souls if we listen. If we suppress who we know ourselves to be for the sake of our loved ones comfort, what do we become? A shell of who we are meant to be? A facade? A lonely, lost cast of the person we were meant to be?
If we turn our backs on who we are, deep down, who we know we are, we are denying ourselves the opportunity to really live. Are you listening, ladies??
The above qualities are characteristics I believe every woman possesses even if they don't show or if others don't know or believe they have them or even if they don't think they have them themselves. I don't know that a woman believes that they are strong or courageous or just how much they can learn until they are put in a situation where your back is to the wall and it is go time. When a woman is cornered, pressed, pushed and prodded to her breaking point, I expect her to crouch, clink out her claws and ready for an attack. When the lives of your children hang in the balance, when your life is in danger, when your world is ready to be torn down, you fight. When a man puts you in a place that demeans, degrades, alienates and restricts, you fight. By fighting, I don't mean physically, neccessarily, but you fight with words, you fight with proactive actions, you fight in court, you fight to be who you are, what you are and for what you believe in.
I have had my back to the wall, I have had all that I hold precious swinging vicariously over a burning, bottomless pit. I have thought, I can't do this, I am not strong enough to go through this again, I can't handle the pain, in my body, in my mind, in my heart. I have thought is this really worth it? Can I live without this? Should I change who I am, what I am for someone elses comfort or happiness. The answers lie within us and some of us are strong enough to deal with them and others are not. I can do it, I am strong enough, I can handle the pain because when you come through the flames there is a whole world on the other side in which you are stronger, more courageous and more beautiful than you EVER thought possible.
Every day we change, we learn, we grow. Everyday we learn more about who we are as individuals. We learn our hearts and souls if we listen. If we suppress who we know ourselves to be for the sake of our loved ones comfort, what do we become? A shell of who we are meant to be? A facade? A lonely, lost cast of the person we were meant to be?
If we turn our backs on who we are, deep down, who we know we are, we are denying ourselves the opportunity to really live. Are you listening, ladies??
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Hello World!
Hello Blog world! I'm so excited to start out on this cool journey into sharing my thoughts and feelings with all of those who want to know or care about my thoughts and feelings or OPINIONS!!! Welcome to my Heart of Steele!
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